"I have the capacity to take in the fullness of life. I lovingly live life to the fullest."

Louise Hay.

I have been going through a transition of the heart. I am learning to be me again, and breaking through the fear of doing so. My breakthrough began with opening my voice during our Harmonic Symphony event in March. Soon after, I got really sick with a virus affecting my lungs. The lungs are governed by the heart center, and boy was my heart center opened up during that event! What a reminder of the power we have to create coherence within each other and the world around us. And with powerful coherence, comes powerful healing. It was with the realization that I must allow my voice to be heard, that I began a journey deep into my heart-space and the crevices of it I really didn't want to acknowledge.

Louise Hay says in her book, Heal Your Life, that lung issues relate to, "Depression. Grief. Fear of taking in life. Not feeling worthy of living life fully."(Hay, 1988, Heal Your Body p.48) And for me, this checked out. It's been hard for me to allow myself to BE myself, and because of that I have experienced tremendous depression and anxiety in my life.

I've lived my whole life trying to figure out what other people wanted me to be, and didn't let myself shine for the things that I knew I was meant to be. It has been hard to feel worthy of happiness while doing what I love, but I am learning that it is the only way forward. Part of my happiness is doing what I'm doing right now, writing. I have had such resistance to the idea that I could actually just do it, because I love it so much that failing was not an option. Writing is a sanctuary for me and nothing less than my heart fully exposed. It makes sense that, that would be terrifying to share. Let me tell you, making the decision to actually do this, has been a battle for many long years, but here we are! And here we go, there is no turning back on myself now.

These past two weeks seemed to be the universes way of saying, "Babe, you can't ignore this one any more, if you truly want to live from your heart." and to live from my heart space I need to actually do the things that light up my soul.

So, while lying in bed, coughing up my actual lungs, I had no choice but to feel all the things that my heart center has been holding, all of the fear, regret, anger, resentment, passion, love, creativity, excitement, hate. I have had to acknowledge all of it to begin letting things go that are no longer needed and make space for the life I want to lead.

I know that the heart is no little thing, it is one of the hardest nuts to crack, especially when it comes to receiving into that center. Sometimes it's as if the doors are closed and chained up, covered in locks; and we can pound on it, and wrench on the handles, but without the keys, its going to be a hard, long, exhausting battle. I am finding the keys, the things that fill me up, and allowing myself to begin to unravel the chains and open the door; little by little, letting that ray of light shine through.

I sometimes forget in moments of overwhelm that we have access to divine guidance. So when I was finally feeling physically better, and I sat at my desk, feeling as though my heart was still drowning and decided it was time to connect. I have been doing channeled writing since I was a child, so this process was not new for me, just something I haven't done in a few months.

"I'm Sad." I began to write. "I'm lost. My heart is broken. I don't know how to fix it this time. It feels like the mending keeps coming undone. The pieces are too heavy and keep pulling away...

What do I do?" I ask, as I have done many times in the past. Writing is the easiest way for me to connect directly to my spiritual guidance.

"What do I do." I repeat out loud, and sit to wait for the connection to solidify.

"Love (the heart, the soul) takes you down roads that may not seem the most wise, but we know that these are the roads with the most55555 surprise, the most abundance, they have bushes and wild berries, it is where life thrives. It is where creation happens.

You are not broken.. your heart is not broken, it is only opening.

You’re heart is opening again, and it may feel like a flooding of things, and it may be overwhelming, but it is not broken. Your heart has been seen by you. You are bearing witness to its great capacity for passion on the entire spectrum of emotion.  Your heart is OPEN. It wants acknowledgement. It has been seen by you, it will not be unseen.

Take good care and hold your heart.

Visualize your hands holding your center.

“I see you.

I hear you

I feel you

I know you

I am you

I love you.

I  LOVE YOU.

You are safe,

I am listening.”

I did what was suggested, and could immediately feel that center ease; not fully, but beginning to trust the words. I repeated it several times, each time, making sure to visualize energetic hands literally going inside my chest and cradling my heart. Each time, the heart trusted my words a little more...

...and then, a little more.

I began to feel the calmness softly spread through my body, and the aching, less tender.

Wow, it was working.

"You guys are amazing." I said out loud, always completely in awe of this connection; it will never get old.

I know I still have a lot to unravel, still slowly opening those big doors, knowing that the dust will lift, but it will be seen in the eyes of Source, beautiful and sparkling pieces of the whole. Spirit knows what you need in the moment, our job, is to listen.

References:

Hay, Louise. 1988, Heal Your Body p.48